So I’ve been working as a waitress for eight months now, and I have so much admiration for people who have worked in the business for any longer because it comes with so many little annoyances I feel ready to explode. This shall be my outlet.
1) Your plate/table is not a rubbish bin
The amount of people that pile plates high with rubbish like wrapping paper, envelopes, sweet wrappers, bits of cardboard and/or plastic packaging, baby wipes, empty baby food packets/jars, scrap paper, broken toys… the list goes on. Someone has to clean that shit up, y’know! It doesn’t just disappear cause you’ve left, or because you can’t see it cause it’s gone under the table.
2) If it says ‘reserved’, yes, it really is reserved
The pub I work in is huge, so often we try and keep the raised area closed so it’s easier for the two or three waitresses to handle (it’s not a table-service pub, we just clear plates/glasses etc. and run starters/desserts). To do this we put reserved signs on all of the tables in that area, but at least 5 times a day, even when the pub is absolutely dead, I will hear ‘are these tables really reserved?’ And then when I say yes, ‘Why are they reserved?’ … Cause I say so, dumby!
And don’t get me started on people who sit on the only table that doesn’t have a reserved sign on it, like… come on. (One time there was actually a big party coming in and damn that man that rudely ignored me and sat there anyway looked like a fool).
3) I have two hands
We do curries at my place of work. They come on rather large, heavy plates. I can carry two at a time, with a portion of chips, on a good day. When I get to the table and you say ‘um, we ordered three more curries, a garlic bread and some onion rings as well?’ I have to try reeeeeally hard not to pour your beef madras into your lap.
4) I’d rather you didn’t tip at all than you tip me with coppers
Seriously. I know you’ve only paid £3.99 for your carvery and £1.95 for your apple pie, but really, it’s insulting.
5) Your baby’s mess is not my responsibility
If you’re gonna bring your small child to a restaurant and let it throw more food on the floor and onto the high chair than it actually eats; clear that shit up. It’s disgusting. I want to come to your house and tread roast potatoes and peas and sweetcorn and yorkshire pudding into your carpet and see how you like crawling around on your hands and knees with a dustpan and brush cleaning it up.
6) I didn’t make your food
Being rude when you tell me your soup is cold isn’t going to make me want to help you. Don’t look at me like I kicked your dog, I just serve it!
I could go on and on but I think that’s enough moaning for now! Let me know in the comments if you’re a waiter/waitress and have anything to add to the list 🙂