This post was originally going to be titled ‘On Disappointment’, so you can imagine the tone it was going to take… But I promise I’m going to try to make it a little more positive!
I’ve never been the type of person to have life goals. I’ve always just gone with the flow; never looking too far into the future. From the age of 15/16 it was more about just trying to get by; taking it day by day. Sometimes I didn’t even want to think about the future, because I didn’t want a future.
So, getting out of that dark place and rebuilding who I am and what I want from life is a process that I started after choosing my degree subject in that haze of being dragged through life during Sixth Form. And that’s still going on, now I’m an English and History graduate, and the only thing I know is that I’m done with education. Like a lot of people, seven months after graduating, I’m hoping my perfect job will appear in front of me… as if by magic… just land in my lap.
I thought that dream job had appeared like a mirage when it came up on one of my many, many jobs searches. Unfortunately, like a mirage, it disappeared before it was even close to being in my grasp when I was rejected without interview. This is why this post was going to be ‘On Disappointment’. It was crushing. And then it happened again, with another job I’d applied for, in a totally different sector, a few days later.
But, as my mum said, it mustn’t have been the perfect job after all, because as cliche as it is, everything happens for a reason. Another ‘dream job’ will come along. I just need to keep looking for it. I mean, preferably before my waitressing job destroys my soul, but I’m trying to be patient. Whether it’s in a museum, writing for a newspaper or something completely different, along as I’m passionate about it, I want to be paid for it.
I definitely don’t regret any of the applications I’ve filled out/interviews I’ve been to/jobs I’ve had since graduating. It’s just given me a lot more confidence in myself; particularly in my ability to talk to people, without anxiety or shyness getting in my way.
There’s that positive note I was after, and I think I’ll leave it on that, just in case.
Oh unless you’re hiring and want to give me a job…? Please?